I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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