I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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