Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
