you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
