I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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