apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
