i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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