You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
