I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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