I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
