she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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