P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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