woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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