I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
