I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
