I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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