I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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