he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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