her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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