hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
