And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
BRING THE BAGELS
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
