I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she told me i tasted like america
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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