Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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