tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
