I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
