Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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