Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
