Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
