shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
