i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
