Is it normal to miss your booty call?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
