rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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