i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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