He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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