YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
