This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
