careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Holy sore nipples Batman
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
