i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Randomize
