Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
