Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
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His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize