sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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