Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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