u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
