I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
