So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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