Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
