he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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