I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
