i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
