i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I love you. Go after that dick
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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