Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
