If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
