I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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