I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
