if only i could text you this smell
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
