This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
