garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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