he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
