You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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