Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
