i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
