It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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