did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
